thanks -- May 19, 2019, 8pm PDT

To Girl(s):

For all the things done: Thanks. Just know I appreciate it, but I can't respond. I'm not made of stone, so I understand when you do anything. I also want to be in a relationship now too.

Don't be embarrassed about anything. Especially if you're a little more fragile. I can understand when your parents help and pitch in. It's a good thing when your parents help. Yes, it can be hard to show your feelings and for people around you to know. Also, how it may feel if I can't come by and say anything.

I can explain like this. When you give your heart to someone, it's like Santa Clause.

When Santa Clause wants to give a person a present, this coming Christmas he makes sure to do it. A great present will be given directly to the person it belongs to.
If that person was you, and you know you're getting a present you really want, how would you feel if Santa gave your present to someone else (instead)?

If he gave your present to someone else you would feel it was unfair. You can usually count on Santa. Santa gives the right present, to the right person.
If I give my feelings (like a present) to another girl, of course the girl who it belongs to would feel bad.

Also, you do realize that if I talked to a girl, that it will start something, and I would lose the one I care about now? That would make me an inconsiderate baboon, and she would never talk to me again - and of course that's your plan. However, that's not what I want because it's not thinking about her. Does that make sense?

I appreciate it a lot, but there's nothing I can do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I try to stay in devotion.

It's not that I don't care. Like I said, I had to choose somone. Girls understand she's "The Chosen One" (hehehe). (I remember hearing that from somewhere.) I like that, "The Chosen One". Her name is Panda.

I want to say, I can't believe all the great and nice things that were done. Thanks to anyone that did something. Sometimes I wonder if it's real, if you're doing it because everyone else is doing it, or if that's how you really feel. It can sometimes be hard to show your feelings, although don't be embarrassed when you get the courage to really do something, or when you gave much - and for some I still don't know how much yet because I haven't really had enough time to really slow down and to look over everything.

I'm such that, I need a lot of time to enjoy something. But over the past year, I've only had a month to do anything. I felt a month wasn't enough time to do anything.
Although, it pays off, because then you know how to do it again for someone else.
If I really appreciate it, of course he is going to too. You're gonna be alright. You're going to be fine.

Also, I try not to fully accept, or go to, or I try to avoid beautiful things, when I've already chosen someone. I can only completely accept really beautiful things from the one I choose. Because if I did, it could perhaps gradually win me over. And you can understand I have to be on guard from things like that happening. I appreciate it - a lot the things that were done. Like I was saying, because of Panda, there's nothing I can do.

To a girl, "I hope you're alright." If she ever finds this letter: I didn't know when it happened but I think I found out a couple of days later. He was a great guy when I knew him. (Read the next paragraph.) I think he thought I didn't like him just before, when I was just keeping to myself. "I hope you're alright." Maybe when I'm fine again I can start giving something back.

For anyone to know, is about these things. One, I really need a vacation from everything. "Breaktime" is just a time for me to be in a 'dormant state' for a couple of months -- I'm here, you may see me, but all my attention is somewhere else. April was and this month as well also is like a break from breaktime, but it's still during (or in) the whole period of 'breaktime'.
Second, I'm trying to fix problems at the moment, that keeps me busy. I (still) feel like I'm in a wreck or something. I'm just preoccupied, and I keep at a distance.
These 2 things as a result of being on a sort of 'time-out', understand I can't do much for anyone right now.

To some of you I feel terrible, that I couldn't do anything in return for you, or that when I did something for Panda, it may have hurt you. I'm sorry. This is the reason why I wrote "choose-time", so that if I did anything wrong or couldn't do anything in return for you, you'll probably understand the reasons, and that I didn't mean to hurt you in any way - because my focus was completely on her. And also I've been on 'breaktime' because I need a battery recharge, and I've been 'tuned out' in general.

I'm doing fine. I feel okay. I feel alright. To move on with your life and make your life better, you can act as if I'm not around, and forget I'm there, then it's fine. Be who you want, act the way you want, wear what you want , the colors you want, be and go out with who you want, how you want, when you want, etc. You don't have to worry. Feel good, be alright, do what you want, be okay, and be free. Be normal. It'll be fine. It'll be alright. Be free. No obligations.

The Chosen One makes me feel as good as I need to.

Thanks for all that was done.

I hope things will turn out between Panda and me, but I never know what's going to happen. If you want, you can maybe try again next year - spring and summer is always a great time to wear any colors I like. I don't know, maybe I'll say hello.

Thank you.

*Update: 7am