Choosetime -- Oct 31, 2018, (early morning) PST

(Note: "R.D. Girl" please go straight to the bottom half. You can read the top half too.)

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Choosetime

 

To Girl:

I'm sorry. I think I've decided on someone.

I hope you girls don't feel like I'm running a contest, because it's not like that at all. You girls are special to me. Some are someones I admire. You are beautiful. There are those I really care about. I'm grateful you gave me the opportunity. And I just want you to know this, so you can best use your time.

I didn't want to decide yet, but it just happened. Although, it's not a final 'end all' decision. But if all is fine and goes well it's a decision I'll stick to - so you can choose if or not to stay or find someone else now. It's okay. (Be free to date other guys guilt free. I'll understand, because I'll know it was maybe from my decision.)

Some of you girls shine so bright. And many of you are fabulous, excellent, or fantastic.

If girls have different but equal attractive qualities, how do you choose? How do you choose between 2 equal girls? If there are 2 and I can only choose 1 at a time, if I choose 1 the other girl who's probably just as valuable may feel like she is someone less, when she's an equal choice.

The decision could rest on something as simple as location. I mean, if she's just closer, and I choose the girl who's just closer for practicality, does that mean the other is less valuable? No she isn't. Girls don't feel bad at all. It may be just something very simple (like I explain below). And, it may or may not work out with any someone I choose.

I have to be sure of who you are first. The only way to do that is to do some "checking".

I couldn't 'check', because first I came from something very exhausting - and I need a long rest. Instead of resting fully, I wanted to do something as a 'bye gift' first, before I took a long break to rest. But instead of resting, after a quick last work to say 'bye', the project grew very big and I continued while exhausted. I was exhausted, and have become more exhausted trying to finish the 'bye gift' that became so big. I didn't have any or enough free time to even watch a movie or play a game, or to rest any and I decided to do all those things at "breaktime".

So I was holding off everything until what I call "breaktime" - where I would have lots of time to review and to decide on everything. I needed a 'breaktime' to make the best decision.

Some gave your heart, and I want to accept it. But to accept anyone automatically, even the most attractive, may not be considering important matters. Like considering if a girl has a child or children is an important subject. That's something I have to check on. That's just 1 example. This is why I should check.

I wanted to do it like this:
-Finish 'Halloween' and 'Summer',
-Have breaktime,
-CHECK,
-Choose someone.

What happened was, a lot of you I didn't even have time to check, so how could you win my heart? Because I was waiting for "breaktime" to do it. And to go over everything.

I did check on one girl - because a particular something happened (like I mentioned in Note ABCD).
Girls, I'm sorry, this someone is someone I decided for. It's only a decision to be devoted to her.

Is that right? To check on one and no one else? Well to look at it that way, maybe not. But put it this way. I believe she was either the first, or one of the first, of few to show me she was interested (and by an interesting way) - just after the time I broke it off with a particular person in Jan. - at the time, I was feeling my worst. Everyone before that time, I didn't allow myself to look at with interest. Or when I became available I just assumed the possible choices from the past already found a new relationship by that time; I started again. Everyone else came after her, and some way after.
If she was one of the first to show me she cared, then it's maybe fair.

This could be how to explain it: If there are 30 people, if you ordered a hamburger first, should you get your hamburger after the other 29? The person who ordered first, should probably get the hamburger first.
I believe she may be the first to show her interest for me. Even though I didn't want to check on anyone at all, I did it because of something that happened. After checking, I felt there was compatibility.

There's some who won my heart for that time, and I couldn't really choose anyone at the time before checking.
Because of that (and for other valuable persons), I was working hard throughout the year and aching to create a 'thank you' gift and to show how much I cared in return, in "Halloween 2018" and "Summer 2018" .....but I'm not going to get to do that anymore (for many), and I have to let it go now.

Girls, Thank You. And I'm sorry.

When you have love for someone, I think we let go of other romantic interests.
You can keep doing what you're doing if you want - although it's likely I'm not going to give a reaction.

Girls, if you have real feelings for me, I would advise you not to go beyond the picture (or past "HALF"). It's better if you turn away. Or you can read on if you want to. It's up to you. For most, I would suggest you shouldn't read any further than the picture. Just close the webpage. Have an excellent day today.
bye, and farewell. Thank you.

 

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Some things you may want to try:

A) Learn to trust me. (At least as much as you would trust any average person. If something goes wrong / downhill, try to trust me. For instance, if you believe I like another girl or things like that. If there's something you need from me, I'll see what I can do. Because you live on the other side of the U.S., there's a lot of things I can't do because of the situation. Not everything is going to go right, but I'l do what I can.)
B) Stay stable, and try not to go 'haywire'.
( What I mean is, this is not really something that has happened with you, but this has to do with things of considering my past. For some reason, any person seems to really or maybe suddenly turn around on me at times or sometimes, and I'm not doing anything, and on my side things stay the same - things happen and they start to go wrong. A lot of times, it's just a misunderstanding, and it takes a lot of work to correct. You can help me save all the work by just trusting me. Also, trust me enough to know while I care about you I'll likely not be interested in another girl. If I do, its only for friendship. Things will be so much smoother.)
C) Have caution about opinion especially not from close friends and family. Unless it's from family / friend try to avoid opinions. (Of course, an opinion may come.)
D) Be careful about the big digital billboards in NYC and the like or even smaller. (Although I've never seen any in NYC I bet they can make anything or anyone look good which is mighty fantastic. Although, I remember back to an experience and situation I encountered in my history. There may be times displays can be different to our wishes. That can be the opportunity to turn our eyes in a different way, or you can close them and think of your puppy when she/he is being cute.)
E) Also, 'don't believe everything you hear', as they say. (Maybe you can try avoiding some things from any misc. info. Maybe just turn away.)
(I remember a year ago, a lot of strange things were happening on the net. Those were strange times. A lot of mix-ups I believe. Also, things can become misinterpreted. There's some interesting stuff, but I didn't want to see it anymore. Too much confusion.)
F) Even when I do something I feel I should be doing, people are going to dislike me at times. You may want to brace yourself.
G) Be careful, and have fun. (If you relax, I can relax. If you get too serious, things may go wrong instead and may get worse. I'll be away for 1-4 weeks sometimes, and just have fun in the meantime. You have many things to do, so be alright and fine. Also, 'fun' doesn't mean have fun at making me feel not good. If you need something, then try asking me in some way. I'll try to do what I can. If I can't do it, maybe I can do something else. )

Blah, blah, blah, you talk too much. Bye.

 

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*Update: 1/1/23 - tiny corrections | 1/29/20 | 11/1/??